Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
