I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sarcasm needs its own font
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
