Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
