fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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