i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
