I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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