you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think my moral compass just broke
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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