"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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