The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So vagazzling was a success
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
