Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Found the puke drawer
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
