Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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