I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
