Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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