forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
