The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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