I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
