No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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