dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
