I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
