OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
