did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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