Cold hands, warm shart.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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