I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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