his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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