Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
