the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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