Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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