She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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