I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
