they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
