They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
