I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
