Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
