Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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