id be glad to
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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