i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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