She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
