You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
