Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
