There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
