Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
