All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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