yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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