If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
