I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
