ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
