Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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