If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
