R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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