At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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