I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
