things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
